THE VIRGO, THE TAURUS AND THE CAPRICORN
This is Gianni Ferreti, my husband. Sign, Capricorn.
Moderate temperament, commendable intelligence predisposition to beauty, so says the horoscope,
but I do not really believe that.
Professional architect, or rather, designer of blocks.
He exercices every morning to keep in shape.
Physical appearance has its importance for a true gentleman.
Fuck you and all your family!
Sometimes we happen to lose our temper...
He's angry because a block eho was built abusively will be demolished.
- I prepared ice-cream, sir. - Where is mandorlina?
Today I put Marena.
For steak, you need mandorline as well, says Toniazzi.
Leave, slave!
Every day, same hour, same dog.
Have you got the time?
This is me, Virgo, in astrological terms, of course.
The other is Teresa, the most snobish masseuse in Rome.
Getting to her is a social conquest.
I have the vague impression that Theresa only massages certain areas.
Who knows? I could be wrong. How are you, Teresa, slowing down?
- Is my method of buttocks massage. - Leave the buttocks and do the sides.
Gianni and I met at Porto Fino where I modeled bikinis.
"We met", like that I say.
When a Capricorn meets a Virgin it's less a meeting and more of a clash.
A month after the wedding, father Ferreti had a beautiful bankruptcy.
And like that, "Welcome to Rome" where Ferreti & Son started an intensive campaign.
Three blocks each 150 square feet.
You're not going to see your husband playing tennis?
He won the first set, and leads in the seconds 5-1.
I'd better not, you know Gianni. If he sees me he will show it's best ...
He'll force the serve and then it's all my fault.
Poor dear, your husband is beyond measure ...
Mine does not show me anything beyond measure. Not in tennis, nor in bed.
Why don't you come to my locker and I'll show you my racket?
No, thank you! My husband's racket is enough for me.
- You're lucky today... Horned luck. - You can't lose.
You horns will get you the Davis Cup and nobody's gonna take them.
What innuendo ! I hope you're not upset.
It's your fault. How could you win? Look what's here ... What belly ...
I'm not tall, but I have line ...
That's why I like my Gioia. There she is.
- Excuse me. I have to go. - My dear!
What are you doing? Leave her!
- You won again, my champion. - Yes. I didn't even feel the taste of the game.
- Wihe that dead guy... - Laugh, laugh...
Kisses...
- Tomorrow I break you... - You're very lucky ...
Life is beautiful.
Tennis scale 40. rackets, doubles. He wins everything.
- What luck ... - Gioia's is the most beautiful one in Rome.
I was speaking of Gianni. His woman is beautiful and she doesn't cheat on him.
True, I never did. Only once, after 5 months of marriage.
At least in appearance.
I went on vacation with some friends of Gianni's in the sanitary branch.
Why are we seeing these people?
Couldn't you invent an excuse?
Scapicolli! What name is that?
Yours is nicer. Migliavaca Gioia. You can't say no to a Scapicolli bathroom
A small industrialist and ...
Scapicolli is one who did everything himself. A self ... I ...
- Self Made Man. - I always fail to pronounce.
He's a little bit stupid, but has a lot of money. Has a wife with a ...
- What about his wife? - What wife?
- Scapicolli. - She speaks funny.
At last, Gianni. I thought you would'n come.
- You're Gioia. - Make acquaintance.
Gianni always talks about you.
Scapicolli! Charmed. At last. Congratulations!
You have a charming wife.
- Come! - We have a bag in the car.
The servents left yesterday, but there's no problem, Adelmo will take it.
- It's in the trunk. - Come!
She makes me laugh when she talks.
She's a country woman, but I need deductions on their bath vessels.
Are you interested in her husband's vessels or in her bottom ?
You saw the movie ... ?
- Full aces. - And here, four nines.
Again? You're a very, very lucky.
One is alright, baby ...
I'm unlucky at cards, but lucky in love.
How to win with such a beautiful thing near you?
- You're so nice. Kisses! - Kisses!
What are you doing here, Gioia? Don't mind them, they are boring.
Come with me. You may not know the teacher. He comes from America.
- How do you do? - Enchanted.
- You're here on business? - You knew that Scapicolli big industrialist?
- How do you say in Italian? - Sanitary installations.
- I understand. - Water closet.
I'm doing a study to launch in America the bidet. I'm making an ad campaign.
- What an idea! - We don't use the bidet in America.
- Interesting. - I already found a slogan.
For you, ladies ... "Appetizer of Love"!
Finesse for finesse, but why not have a digestive ?
- Do you want to drink something? - I want a Punt Mes.
- I scream. 50! - Three times.
- Two pairs of ladies. - Two pairs of kings.
I want to see them.
Thank you, madam.
- We put a little ice on? - No, it's good like this. Natural.
Tonight I'm not sleepy, baby. Maybe Libyan rice was an aphrodisiac ...
St. Giuseppe, you who are the protector of married love, please listen to my prayer.
Do not let her put on that black shirt, she'll want to do it tonight as well...
Thank you St. Giuseppe, you did well.
- Baby ... - What? The IRS?
Hide the documents! It was you, Gioia!
Sorry! Tonight, my stomach is full ...
- It must be that the rice ... - Kisses!
Sorry! There's something there ...
Wouldn't go neither up nor down.
Not the first time it's not working ...
Stay there!
Come here, little piggy!
- An orgasm? - No. It's the hot water tap dripping.
This time you made me come in the bathroom. What's this? A new fashion?
When someone knocks you can say "Busy!" and they leave immediately.
- Somebody's coming. - It's me...
How beautiful you are this morning, my angel.
- Good morning. - Did you sleep well?
The bathroom was a little bit hard The bed was quite hard...
- Where is Ms. Gioia? - Taking a bed ... A bath.
Too bad there was no hot water.
With these faucets dripping ... All night, tick, tock ...
- Hi, Gioia. - Hi, Stella!
What are you doing, Gioia? You forgot your swimsuit.
- What are you looking at, lady Bucinella? - Me, Lady Bucinella?
- What Bucinella? - I protest.
Protest against your mother who made you so ugly.
If you did not understood, my husband is cheating on me with Lady Bidet.
Now I'm gonna take revenge with the American teacher.
It seems fair, right? Let's go, Professor.
Give me an explanation. Where are they going?
- Take a guess. - No ...
Please!
Open Gioia, are you mad ? Are you having fun with the American?
Not a good joke, no one laughs.
Are you laughing?
- Give me an explanation. - Shut up, you fool.
No one laughs and those two are fucking there...
- I need an explanation ... - Shut up, you fool.
Gioia ...
- Is that a stork? - No.
- What do you think is? - A dragonfly.
It's a stork, I know ...
I feel ill.
- Help me. You understand. - Yes, but I need an explanation.
- Shut up, you fool! - Can't you see you're a fool.
Take me ...
I'm going crazy ...
It's so good... Tell me your liked it.
Not only did I like it...
I'll break the door. Nobody try to stop me.
Do not let anyone try to stop me ... I'll break the door.
Do not do it.
- Gioia, come here. - Did you have fun?
- How dare you? You exaggerate? - Don't bother me.
That'll teach you.
Are you crazy? In front of everyone? There are gentlemen here...
- What will they say? - That you're horned.
- What will my guests say? - You're a whore.
The Virgo and the Capricorn are rough and insensitive to betrayal.
Neither admits their own fault.
I blamed Gianni and he blamed me.
After a week in which we didn't speak,
we decided to go to the Ferreti the father.
Who passes as the one of the leading experts in horns
and he was married to Ferreti Zoraide.
She insists on being called countess, even if anyone calles her...
What they say: Milan's most profligate.
This is Ferreti Senior maybe a bit bearish,
What he lost to Milan managed to restore in Rome with abusive blocks.
If we wait for Gianni ...
Wait Mom, a little pepper.
What a great idea ... That's what Toniazzi says, he is the best in the kitchen.
He's right, it's Cayene you need.
- From one perspective, it gives ... - Yes, it gives ...
- And from another point of view it gives less ... - Yes, it gives less ...
More or less ... We've had enough.
You came to talk about pepper?
You told me something about tits, horns, What happened?
It happened that your Gianni is a big idiot.
- No foul language in my house. - Come, Zoraide.
He said idiot, that's like saying he's a fool.
Or maybe a big dick.
- Salts! - The salts, ma'am.
Leave her alone, she's faking as usual.
- What did this girl do, did she pay VAT? - Listen, father ...
Now I'm grown up and I can talk to you like a man.
I can say like her that I'm an idiot and a fool, but the truth is worse, Dad.
Let's look in each other's eyes, Dad. I'm horned. Okay?
- Horned? - Yes, Dad. Horned.
When the wife does it ... The husband is...
- But she did it in fron of everybody. - What do you mean?
Wake up, father. You're presented the story of an adultery.
What a shame! I told you not to marry a model.
You never know where she comes from.
No doubt in my respects, but everyone knows you came from a brothel.
- Shall I give her the salts, sir? - What salts? Go away.
- What terrible news! - Gioia, ask mother for an apology immediately.
Do not leave without apologizing.
Come here, Gioia. She's not coming. Ciao, Mom!
Ciao, Dad! It was a nice dinner.
Ciao Domenico! Gioia!
- Come back and apologize to mother. - Go back to your mother.
What are you doing? Calling my mother a bitch?
Are you crazy? My mother a whore?
Good evening, Mr. Vitaloni!
Why not tell them that you're horned (cornuto)?
Cornuto means I have a problem with the cornea and the pupils.
Bitch! Wait for me, Gioia!
I want us to calm down.
You know I am a kind man.
I see Bertolucci's films, I'm subscribed to Playboy ...
Goodwill, however, I can not understand how two people... it's true, from the north
can have such flashy and unworthy claims.
Worthy of someone like you who bangs that Scapicolli slut in the bathtub.
You're still jealous ...
You're clinging to an insignificant episode.
Didn't you put me the horns? It's like eating a plate of spaghetti.
I did put you the horn, you gave me horns, so it's one to one.
We're equal. One plate of spaghetti for everyone. With a little flavor ...
A little flavor? Mine had a lot.
It had oil, garlic and pepper. Are you satisfied?
No, how can I be satisfied?
You have the courage to tell me you liked pepper, you filthy slut?
Filthy or not, we made peace an hour later.
Three years passed since then. I must say the lesson of the Virgo and the Capricorn
was served.
He began to work hard again and to be close to me...
...he gave up the morning walk.
1960, 1970, 2000 meters. The record falls.
Who comes top of the column? Ferreti Gianni, from Milan ...
I'll be damned you're hot, architect!
He passes them all up, he passes by Timondi whose tears give up.
The champ is visibly sweating and thirsty ...
I knew there had to be the idiot with the water.
- Sorry architect, are you not pleased? - Why do not you get wet yourself?
Aida coffee.
Friends of sports, this is Adriano D. talking.
Because of a trivial incident, the great Ferreti is forced to retreat.
Once I'm gonna pour it on that shameless bitch's head.
She's in bed all day and squeezes the worker.
Today is Saturday, baby, do not tell me you're working.
Only you have an extended week ?
I'm going to a meeting of manufacturers from Rome against abductions.
It seems too much, it's going alphabetically.
The last seized is called Romolo Epifani, we are called Ferreti.
I do not know if I made myself understood. Ciao! See you at the club.
- Kisses! - It'sso late already.
A Frankenstein, announce us when you come in so that we'll prepare ourselves.
- I brought coffee, ma'am. - Later. Put it on the terrace.
Always naked bottom. She wants to keep it cold.
Aida!
- Coming, lady. She's washing. - Alone?
No. With soap.
- Give me my robe, please. - Thanks.
Excuse me, Louise. I thought it was Aida.
I'd accept her position, considering how much she makes...
My last maid earned 300,000.
- Can I have a cappuccino? - Of course. Excuse me.
- Want something, ma'am? - Give us a cappuccino.
Would I give you a cappuccino ...
- No comment. - What is this light? Looks like a mirror.
No, it's Mr. Gussoni binoculars. Always spying at this hour.
Old man's hobby. Wanna pull a joke on him ?
Yes.
It's a show today. Are you happy?
Shameless ! Are you kidding me?
Piggies!
- What ? - Pork sandwiches...
I got hungry for some pork... but nothing ...
- Give grandmother one too. - A sandwich?
- That's how you call the tits? - What tits?
He's watching the lady across the street undressing to see her bottom.
- Shut up, little punk! - You're so bad, Grandpa ...
Poor Gussoni. He could have a heart attack at his age ...
Better. One less pig. And speaking of pigs.
Did you know that your littlee husband is cheating on you ?
- Who, Gianni? - Why, you have others?
Cut the crap. He's working even today, on Saturday.
- He's got a meeting. - Maybe I'm wrong.
I heard him the other day telling Roberto...
What?
- Aida! - Yes, ma'am.
- Give me the phone. - Right, lady.
Do nothing all day and look what happens.
Who is it? It's you, Gioia! What a surprise! Is there something wrong?
If I answer, it means i'm here. Right ?
Yes, the meeting is over now.
Gorillas in Germany is high and blond with blue eyes, not like our people, small and ugly..
I'll write a few letters and I'm done.
Yes, very fun. If you knew how hot it is here ...
My cheap father closed the air conditioning, I follow the current and all is well ...
We are born for suffering. What can I do, my love?
- See you at the circle. Kisses! - Kisses!
So, miss... Are we writing this letter or did we come here to play?
He;s working in the office in this heat... Tell that to your dizzy-headed Fefe.
Why? Is there a quieter place than an empty desk?
It's a divine place to make stimulating games.
The woman and the bartender. The accountant with the maid.
The boss with the secretary ...
- I'm ready, boss. - Well, write.
In connection with the application you made on the phone last week
I am pleased to communicate ... within ten seconds I'll start to take my clothes off
and I will be only yours.
U use this opportunity to call my decrepit and...
...conceited husband a hill-billy
- I assure you ... - I assure you ... ?
I will not ask for a raise, distinguished greetings, etc, etc. ...
- I'm done. - We begin?
Go.
- Take place, miss. - Over you?
Don't ask questions. Climb and pretend you're tyiping.
- I'm ready. - Begin?
- I'm typing, Mr. Architect? - Type, slut! Knock, knock ...
Estimed Mr. Bisletti ...
in connection with your request ..
How do you open this?
- Somebody's coming. - It's the typewriter.
Silly boy !
He's a criminal, he deserves to go to prison.
A prison is a little too much. He could benefit from a few kicks.
No. The best would be to cut if offonceand for all.
Yes, they're not like birds' tails, they don't grow again.
If what you say is true, I ...
Here he comes.
Alone. Poor boy, I've slandered him.
"He was" alone!
Not possible. With Enrica! My best friend.
- Now are you convinced? - Yes, I am convinced.
- It happens. - Right.
There are things happening, but Gianni does not know what's gonna happen to him.
Dear Louise, when you read my letter, I'll already be gone.
I'm goingon vacation alone in Ischia. I made reservation at hotel Paradiso.
Gianni will not look for me right there.
I'll sit quietly and find a man to take my revenge the way I should.
Do not tell anyone where I am or I will never speak to you again.
I embrace you.
Dear Gianni! Rome air is too stuffy, I left to take a breath of air. Gioia!
How stuffy is it in Rome? Our terrace is like a public park, a little more and they expropriate us.
Aida! Where did she go?
- How should I know? She packed. - She packed her suitcase?
- The small one or big one? - That big one. Like she was moving.
She packed the big suitcase? She worked hard, does nothing all day.
Leave, Frankenstein.
Calm down! Nothing happened.
And she packed. She took clothes to the orphans.
She has a good heart. It's good to do good.
She says she went to take a little air. What does that have to do with the packing ?
What din she put in, oxygen tanks?
What did she write?
Dear Gianni, Rome can not breathe. I'm going to take a little air.
It's true, Rome is not breathing. It is very hot.
Look how I sweat! You did well, Gioia.
The Frenchie came. I believe that she will not take it off.
- As always, you don't understand, Don Peppino. - Why?
She'll undress. I guarantee it. You'll see, Don Peppino.
You'll see she'll take her bra off...
It's scientifically proven than woman is 35 to 90 % whore.
And if she shows 'em, you owe me 100,000.
Don't joke. She will not show anything.
We're waiting for three days and... nothing.
God! She got naked. It hurts.
- What's wrong? - Breasts make he ill.
Stop, Alvaro! Every time the same story.
Always has the same attack of weakness when he sees women.
I don't even mind him. He's a fossil.
When he sees a woman naked, his testicles swell and he's in heat.
Yeah ?
- She took the bottom piece off as well. - See ... that piece ... !
- What ass ... - I've seen.
- It's beautiful. - She did it for me, Don Peppino.
And not for me too ?
- The baron's seduction has struck again. - Why, my seduction causes disgust?
You lost the bet, Don Peppino, You owe me 100,000.
I will give 100,000 but only after you ...
Understand? Give her to me. Respect your word of a nobleman.
- I'm offended. - Why?
I'll give her to you because you're my friend, not for the 200,000.
- Hey, Baron! 100. - 150, and you have her. I guarantee it.
- Now you've raised to 150,000 ... - Wake up, Alvaro!
- Are you slapping me ? I dreamed she had two... - Stop!
Anybody here?
- Jesus! - I got it, Baron.
Be good, Don Peppino, let me do it. I am a man of class.
It seems to me a crooked man ...
- Hello! What do you want? - I am Mrs. Ferreti, I booked a room.
Are you the manager of the hotel ?
Please, I'm also a guest in this charming hotel.
- Allow me. Baron Felice Break-Iron! - Nice.
Trying to cover for staff absence.
- How dis you say you were called? - Ferreti.
- What a beautiful name! - You think so?
Ferreti... Room 358.
- What do you want? - Where were you?
The lady was waiting here for two hours, you ruin the good reputation of the hotel ...
and mine, honoring you with my baronial presence.
- We were preparing the account, Baron. - Put it in the safe with the jewelry.
Allow me ? I want to introduce myself. I'm a friend of Baron.
- My name is... - Giuseppe Wheel, a modest ...
- A large ... - A significant figure of the Napoli industry.
- Well you know, knives, boxes... - And larger boxes.
More specifically, three warehouses and 800 employees.
A little form. You want to tell tha lady what you have in the house?
- The hand. - What ?
- The hand, it went. - Yes, I was not careful.
Excuse him, he's an upstart. He doesn't know how to behave.
- Where were you, Alvaro? - Hello.
The lady is waiting for two hours. See her to room 358.
- How heave it is... - Thanks, Baron.
Good day.
- Excuse me! - You no excuse. Patricio idiot.
- Do not know where he step. - It was my fault.
- Excuse me! - Over here, lady.
Come!
- I got this one, Don Peppino. - And I after you.
I'm going to my room. See you later.
One moment. Excuse me!
Baron!
I've removed the bathing suit as you said, Now give me 20,000 as you promised.
Take it off againg tomorrow and I'll give you 40.000.
Fucker !
You have a very stupid expression, Patricio. What is it?
- Nothing. - We've arrived.
Good afternoon !
- Please! - Come in!
It's the best room of the hotel.
- Nice. - You see it's spacious?
- How much light! You'll feel better. - Here!
You want to offend me ?
Whatever might happen, abuse me any way you wish.
Thank you, but so far I don't need anything. Later.
She's so good...
A line, please. Thank you.
Enrica, you answer the phone.
Enrica, is that you, my dear? Yes, it's me, Gioia.
I have great news to give you. I left home.
I can not tell you where, but I swear it's true.
Gianni was cheating on me, I don't know who with, but they say she's ugly and vulgar.
It seems that she was a slut, fucking her in the office Saturday.
I have decided to get even, so I'll fuck 40 truck drivers.
- Don't you think it's divine? - I don't know if divine is the word...
but no doubt a great satisfaction.
I must leave you, call me when finish with the first 10.
Keep me posted. Ciao!
Who was it?
Want to know the news?
Hi, Mom ... !
- What are you doing, asshole? - Nothing, polishing the handles.
Oh, polishing the handles ...
- Leave, go! - Leave, go ...
What are you doing, mocking me?
Apparently this Baron has exclusive vip.
The Baron is peaking.
- Jesus! Who is it? - Is she good?
How dare you? You don't think I was peaking.
- No, you were .. Spying! - I vas verifying, Don Peppino.
It seems a little odd. Can I check as well?
Let's go, we are not children. I was checking if she's the woman she seems.
- Appearances are often deceiving. - Yeah ? How about after the checking?
Exceptional.
- Will you give her to me after... ? - Of course.
- Thanks. - Are you mocking me?
No.
Hello, St. John Hospital? It's the Ferreti Gianni.
I know it's the 12th time I phone. Have you news of my wife?
She's in hell ? Oh, that I go to hell ! So I understand better ...
I understood she died...
Insensitive bastards to the cry of pain ...
Where are you, my Gioia?
Where are you and why aren'y you calling me, Gioia? My angel ...
Where are you, fool?
Why doesn't she call? I'm so thirsty...
Just wait until I catch you ... !
I can't even feel the alcohol, I'm in the final stage.
- Hello, police? It's the same F. Gianni. - And I'm the same as well.
I know it's the fourth time I call, but tragedy is too great...
- Tragedy ? What tragedy ? - What tragedy ?!
What would you say if your wife left one morning with a big suitcase ?
- Cool. - Cool ? In what way ?
Maybe for you, but not for me. You understand, marshall?
Do not make jokes, I can arrange for you to be moved to Sardinia.
- Thank you, I was born there. - Then, I can send you to Bolzano.
A few days ago my wife left, said she wants to take some air.
- What do you think you? - I understand, a breath of fresh air.
A breath of air? Even if you're a marshall,'ll break your face.
Dumb marshall! Hello !
And that's how I've become the enemy of the police, my Gioia.
Telling me you're gone to take some air... !
Aida, a hard, black coffee... I feel I gotta pee...
Aida, coffee. I'm peeing my... I'll be right there...
Hello, Marco? It's you?
I was expecting an urgent call, but it's you...
No, I was in my favorite corner listening to a little music.
One moment, I'll turn it off to hear you better ...
- I talked to Enrica, is it true? - What?
- Gioia wants to do it with 40 drivers. - 40 what ? Is she on the Sun Highway?
- Where will she fin 40 drivers ? - That's what she told Enrica.
Do you believe her jokes ? Give me Enrica.
Enrica, it'sGianni.
Please stop saying nonsense Gioia is in the other room.
I can not give her to you your because she's in the shower.
Wait, I'll try.
Aida, see what the lady is doing. "Right."
She's going to see what she's doing.
How? She cannot come? See? She cannot come.
Do me a favor. Say hi to your horned husband.
- He says hi. - Who, the horned husband?
They all know? Aida, coffee.
- Who are you? - I'm Aida.
What have you done?
I made tea with my little hands. To calm your nerves...
Holy Virgin! Frankenstein's dressed like a slut.
- If you want me naked... - No. You'll block my digestion.
One poep dies another takesHis place. Look!
- You're so beautiful when you're angry... - Beautiful? I'm interesting.
Beautiful!
When I'm upset? I'm a fool to listen to you.
I want my Gioia.
No. Holy...
- Holy ? She sits with her bottom out all day. - The bottom out?
- You don't believe me? Ask the fat man! - Which one?
The one your wife shows her ass to every morning.
- He's putting you horns. - With the fat man?
- Yes, the fat man. - Bitch!
Excuse me!
What ?
- Who is the gentleman who came in before? - Mr. Gussoni, apartment 12.
- What happened? What? - Where is she?
- Who? - You know better. Where is she?
- You enter like that ? What do you want ? - There is no woman here ?
- It's my secretary. - I invented that joke.
- What are you doing? Where are you going? - Where is she?
- In the bathroom. - In the bathroom?
- What is she doing in the bathroom? - What does one do in the bathroom?
- What you want from me? - You still don't understand?
- I will break your eyes. - I have glasses.
I'll break your face and your glasses too, if you don't get he out.
- It's a joke. - Could've told me from the beginning.
- Adelina. - You called me?
- This is Adelina? - Yes. Now are you satisfied?
No.
Thank you.
Look why my sweet husband doesn't send me on vacation by myself.
I almost forgot how you feel when all men what to get in your bed.
It's a very pleasant sensation.
Almost exciting, I would say.
The only problem is that I do not see any ...
One moment. There he is. The elevator boy.
Not bad. Looks good naked.
A shame he's never alone. Who knows what sign he is e. ..
Virgo is a sign that doesn't get along with everyone.
My ascendant is the Taurus. What if he's a Taurus?
I would say he is.
Sleep this afternoon, otherwise tonight you'll not do anything with me.
You know I invited you on vacation to fuck me ?
- Yes. I know. - Then do it.
Mrs. Ferreti. Will you allow me to keep you company ?
Take a sit!
Ischia Island is a good choice for the holidays.
Land of passionate love, harrowing adventure ...
Mrs. Ferreti.
You're not listening to me ? What possesses you?
- Something wrong ? - Who is it ?
- Get away. - From where?
- From in front of me. - Do you know who I am?
Yes. You're a great rascal.
If you do not leave, we will. I'm taking her to my cabin.
Ciao, Baron!
Be sweet, please!
It seems that you're exaggerating , baby?
No. Nagger.
I only asked to see you tonight.
I accept with pleasure. You know if I can send a telex from here?
We have a cutting-edge German machine.
Tonight, then.
Now I'll show you, you ruined my fantasies.
"It seems that you're overreacting?" No, it doesn't.
- What does this telex mean? - I have no clue.
- I think it's a joke. - Good morning, girls.
Excuse me for being late. I had something to do. Any news, messages, phone calls?
- Nothing big. - And what is that telex?
- I do not know, I have not read yet. - I read it.
Mrs. Ferreti is fucking 40 drivers...
I've finished with Achilles I sat next to Armando. Kisses.
Stop this car, she does not know what she says. All nonsense.
To work. What are you doing, whispering? What do you do, the same?
- Why is yourmouth open ?. - If you enjoy ...
No, I'm happy. Back to work.
These Romagnezes don't feel like work ...
It feels bad. Go and fetch water.
- Mr architect! - Who is it ?
Yes. It's me.
With all these news... The stock exchange The Franc falls... The DM climbing ....
Gioia who plays the trombone ...
- You feel better? - No, it's not importance.
Call all the drivers canteens and the police and ask them who fucked my wife.
- Your wife? - It's a trap, I feel like laughing.
And this is a trap telex, it's industrial espionage.
Go.
Why you are still here?
Go. Not in my life I said so much nonsense.
Hello.
Who is it?
- Is it you, Gianni? - Yes, father.
A telex arrived, it says Gioia fucked a driver,
- One Achilles, and now she's doing Bruno. - Bruno? Wasn't it Armando's turn ?
- How should I know whose turn it was? - Dad, speak slowly, the walls have ears.
Leave or I'll fire you all.
- You believe what the newspapers say? - They publish, you know ?
Tell them it's a marketing survey, Dad. We're doing driver statistics.
Habits and skills of drivers.
Good father, say hi to mother Nasty bitch!
- What? - Not mom.
I don't know anymore, Dad. Achilles, Armando, Bruno ...
She takes them alphabetically. When she reaches Z, I'll have horns with extension.
Here you go !
- Cheese ? - A little, it makes me sick.
What are you doing?
- Excuse me. - What are you doing, cheesing my hair?
Quiet down, your hands are heavy. Are you stirring pizza dough?
What are you doing? What am I eating now?
Haven't you ordered the pickled tortellini?
Immediate repair.
- Come! - Excuse me a moment.
Is it possible ? How long does it take ? There's a lady waiting.
Why must I always wait for you?
If there is a Baron here, then, with all modesty, I am the one.
I do not understand why you're always after that boorish guy.
- That one gives tips. - Please excuse the vulgarity of it.
- I wish I had ... - Miss?
- A fillet and a tomato salad. - And to drink?
- White wine. You? - And I would have...
I'll bring the wine soon.
Insolent ! And he wants to get tipped !
- Alvaro, get us the second course. - Wait, this one has balls.
- Voila! - A little wine.
Thank you.
- Are you not serving me ? - It's bad for you, Baron.
- What am I eating ? - For you, we've got dietary food.
- We give you yesterday's remains. - Give 'em to your sister.
Stop joking, when I'm eating ?
For my part, you can eat when you want, but elsewhere.
- How horrid! - No. Why? Poor guy.
He corked the bottle.
Do you see that boy there?
He's screwing that tourist and is maintained by her.
- May have hidden talents. - Yes. Stupid ...
Why drink it like that? Don't you like dry wine?
- Dry pasta is better. - Then I'll take you to a dance.
- You're jealous or am I wrong? - How wrong you are ...
Dance right, Patricio. You're a little soft tonight.
Excuse me for insisting, Gioia ... Doesn't it seem that your are exaggerating?
No. Twat.
In the morning you called me a nagger and now I'm a twat...
Excuse me Baron, I do not feel too well.
- Will you escort me to the hotel ? - I find it a good idea.
Thank you.
- Thank you for everything, Baron. - Lady!
I put champagne in ice. Baron excuse me, I am very tired.
- The hand ! - Forgive me !
Good night.
- Remove your foot, Baron. - Madam...
Thinking about your foot right now ... Perhaps you didn't understand.
I put champagne in ice. Do you understand me?
- What should I understand? - That thig...
That thing ? Good night.
You understand wrong, ma'am.
They say they are all whores ... Now what?
I'm in the mood, ma'am.
What a shot ...
It's your Baron, doll. I put champagne in ice.
Blanc de Blanc. Prince of Piedmont.
Come into my room, baby. I want you...
- You too? That's a flaw ... - That'll teach you.
I found a generous man, gentle. In bed he's a real tiger.
- Who? - Look!
- That prick ? - Ciao!
What nonsense!
Show yourself out!
Get out!
- I told you to leave. - Caught me on the other foot.
Comb your horns on the other side to see better.
- I hope I make no shadow, can you see? - You're blind as a bat.
Mark closer instead of talking nonsense.
Are you going to bed?
Let's have a toast ! Where is Gianni?
In the shower. Go and laugh at him.
Today you had a rough day.
- You got six goals. - There were only five.
That one is specialized in goals, he scored with all the wives at the club.
- If you only saw what that cat has between his legs... - No.
What do I care what's in his crotch?
- He turned around, if you look, you'll see. - I won't watch.
- He deserves it. - Each one has his.
A champion is a champion. You need to look.
That's not a cat, it's a Neapolitan hound dog.
Excuse me!
- Do you like the marseillaise ? - How can I not? I have a weakness for it.
- See you in at four. - Yes.
- Ciao, tiger! - Ciao!
Hello.
A Fernet Branco, please.
Are you angry that I... ?
- I'm sorry. - Why? Why?
Should I be angry becuase you slept with that money sucker ?
I've warned you, but it cost you a lot of money.
Not to mention ... Better tell me about it...
- How was Mrs. Ferreti? - It's expensive. Cost me a fortune.
- Club, dinner, and champagne ... - Not to mention the rest ...
You don't say that lady too...
- A slut. - Yes?
- This is exceptional news. - 300 000, Don Peppino.
- How ? - The news, it costs 300,000.
- How do we do it? - Bearer.
- Who takes it to the bank? - I will. You write it.
- No pen. - I got one.
I knew it.
Write clearly.
- Can I try her too? - Of course, Don Peppino.
- Try. But Be careful. - What happened?
- Nothing. I must tell you something. - What?
- Mrs. Ferreti will pretend not to like it. - Yes?
- Should I insist ? - Can I ?
- Insist, Don Peppino. And then ... - Then ?
- Put your hand on her ass... - Where to start?
- Whereever you wish. - Peppino ...
The child wants annother ice-cream.
It's the dummy. Excuse me, I gotta go.
- Be right back, baby. - You're leaving...
- See you later. - Go still, Don Peppino.
That's gonna make those two balls so big.
Christ! Even now they hurt!
- Do I bother you? - No. Sit down.
- I tired of reading. - I noticed that you always read.
- Do you know anyone here? - I don't, do you?
I'm with my friend, she's german, I met her here last year.
To be honest, I'm her guest,
I'm a student, I cannot afford holidays.
- Are you not enjoying yourself? - I'm not happy ...
It's a role that I do not like. Treating me as an object.
A cigarette lighter that goes on and off when she wants.
Why don't you leave?
I'm convinced it's not hard for you. You find you and other roles, don't you think?
Patricio, come right away !
- You're called. - It is better that I go, she's armed.
- You heard. My name is Patricio. - I am Gioia.
See you soon.
What hot sand ...
- I do not know if you remember, I'm ... - Two factories, 400 workers.
- More specifically, three factories and 800 workers. - Excuse me.
Congratulations. You have a good memory for figures.
- Maybe you like the many zeros ... - What you mean?
Nothing. I have about 100 million on water ...
- Do you want to take a walk together? - Why not?
- You like my boat? - A lot.
- It's quick. It has 600 hp. - What do you know...
It's a purebreed. And money is going fast ...
Why did you stop? I was so beautiful.
- It is better not to waste time. - How are we wasting time?
You know what they say: "time is money."
You have time, but do not have money I have money, but no time.
We can find a middle ground. How much do you want for a round... ?
- You're joking, right ? - I know you are a tigress in bed ...
Each with his own job. I sell tomatoes, you sell love.
You oaf! How dare you?
- Bravo! Pretend you don't like it. - What's wrong? Are you crazy?
I love this game. Pretend that you're a delicate woman ...
That is the most beautiful moment of an erotic game. Come!
- With him you did it for 300,000 pounds. - 300,000 palms on his face.
What are you doing? Throwing me in the water? What if a shark is coming?
- If the shark comes, fuck it. - Mrs. Ferreti ...
What are you doing? Turn around.
Clear.
Go Valentino!
Watch and learn.
One who doesn't get satisfaction must be released another way.
- Tango jealousy. - True.
- Let's make a joke about Gioia. - I thought about it.
When he comes, I'll say I saw her with the "cat".
Bravo.
You must admit, I still have class. Bravo, marquise. Queen of the tango.
- This parties are a pain in the ass. - Marquise until the end.
Let me taste!
- Where is Enrica? - She stayed home.
- And mine, poor dear. - I saw her with the cat.
Stop talking nonsense, Gioia's in bed, she has a fever.
I'm going to see how she feels, poor girl. These are spicy spaghetti.
You saw how he almost choked ?
What are you doing, Gioia? First three drives, now the "cat". Where is the light?
It is a room suitable for me.
- It's Gianni. Is Fefe there? - He's at Andrea's party.
I am here, and he is not. Who know what he's doing!
- What is your problem? - I was just saying.
Gioia isn't anywhere to find.
I don't know, I hope not, maybe there's some combination...
- Apparently, Fefe ... - I'll break his head. I'll make a scandal in the papers.
Let the others in newspapers. You don't know where he might be?
If I go alone, he'll kill me. Come get me.
- Coming soon. - What a pig!
- We used to come here before our marriage. - What's it to me?
- Didn't even bother to change the place. - With one on the first floor.
- How many steps are there? 9500? - 118.
- Seem to be 98.500. - Would you like an elevator?
Talk softer. They can hear us and leave.
Do not say we reached the 118th.
Listen how good they are feeling.
- I'll ring. - No. Take a swing and break the door.
- I did that once and it hurt. - Come on.
Stand aside, I don't want to break you.
Fool, coward, womanizer... ! Aren't you ashamed?
- You here ? What are you doing ? - You here ?
- I'm gonna cut it off. - Do not exaggerate.
What are you doing here? Can't you take care of your horns?
But what am I doing? Both wife and mistress cheat on me; I deal with my horns, right?
- I cheated on you with someone else. - Bitch ...
- Leave me - And you, my friend?
- You're naked with my husband ... - No Violence.
- Fuck you! - You're a slut.
That hurts, "cat"...
- What have you done, Mr. Architect? - A democratic discourse with a gentleman.
And you took a punch ...
- What? - Do not move, I'll grow as big as cow dung.
- I put this on and tomorrow it'll pass. - Is it a heifer?
- It's veal. - I knew you couldn't find real foals anymore.
- The veal is an animal with horns. - Your allusions have a double taste.
Get your chops. Make it a sandwich tomorrow morning.
And don't play dumb anymore. You know where she is...
- You're jealous. - I ... ? Yes, I am jealous.
If you knew how my heart burns in my chest.
Not only are you jealous, but you also lack patience...
- How dare you? - I don't know where your wife is.
You do know... Don't you suspect anything?
I have not a single hunch...
- I know the one that knows where she is. - Do you know someone who knows where she is?
- Say the name. - If you tell you what do I get?
- I pay a rate to your social security. - No.
If I tell you, give me "kisses."
Frankenstein ... !
Debt first, then pleasure, don't bother me.
If I get an advance, I'll tell you immediately.
Good morning, Mrs. Ferreti. A message for you
Thank you.
Excuse me for the confusion! Perfidious advice from the Baron
convinced me to dare address you in this way.
Your affectionate and devoted Peppino Wheel, 3 stores, 800 workers.
Good morning, Mrs. Ferreti. Early to rise ?
I was busy last night.
Are you reffering to the behavior of the despicable Mr Wheel?
How do you know?
He told me everything.
- I understand. What a beautiful racket! - You like it?
- Is it metal? - Yes, it's metal.
E-class missiles. Right-hand, reverse ...
Will you give it to me ? Hold my purse
How beautiful... !
You have a very good racket.
Right, reverse ...
What is this agitation to see me? You miss Gioia?
Why? Does it seem strange to want to see you?
If it doesn't seem strange, let's not mention Gioia. Okay?
Very well.
- When did you realize? - What?
That I'm crazy about you, I can not sleep at night...
- I understand, that for a little while... - Since that day in the gym...
you looked dirty at me I looked obscenely at you ...
You're a swell guy. I didn't even want to come.
I expected a boring evening, only tears and nostalgia ...
I had put a stone in place of my heart. You know what we're going to do now?
We'll go to my place and make nasties.
Nasty ... Do you like nastiness?
You're so hot... Sit down here!
- It's good here? - It's better there.
- Aren't you embarrassed to be that obscene? - Gianni! You make me blush.
Go ahead, blush ! In love there is no shame.
- Open your feet! - No, no ...
Let's make a work of art ...
- Stay like that. - Why don't we go in the other room?
- We're more comfortable there. - There's more light here.
- So what? - I like to do it with light ...
Love without light is like swallowing without chewing.
- The eye wants its part. - And I have two of them...
Now, strip down.
We'll cross all lines, and I will be King Kong.
Frankenstein! Take a picture.
- Turn off the lights! - You're a coward.
- Punk! - Fool! How was the distance?
- Like you said. - You are going to pay for this.
- Bravo! - Shut up, Frankenstein.
What a picture! Like an Olympic final.
Tell me where Gioia is, or this picture falls in the hands of your husband.
You liked the blackmail?
I warned you, Patricio. Make love to me or I'll go back to Germany to Otto.
- I leave you broke. - Go back to whoever you want. I'm done.
Always the same thing. I'm not a slot machine.
- I'm not running on electricity. - Italian stupid and impotent.
- Patricio! - What do you want?
I want my stuff immediately. Give me my things, stupid!
- I want everything. - Take everything. Missing something?
- No. Fuck you! - Fuck you!
- How did you get it Patricio, through the window? - No. I walked in the door.
It was closed ...
- If you mind, I'll leave. - No, it's not that.
- Is your girlfriend ...? - I left her.
- Why? - Because ...
Because I was think of another.
- Do I know her? - Yes.
- Hello! - Honey! Gioia!
- Gianni, it's you? - Yes, it's me.
Nice, I see that and you're glad. I must see you immediately.
We need to talk to clarify everything. What's wrongu, Gioia? Can't you breathe?
- I rushed to answer the phone. - Poor dear ... Do you hear me?
- What? - I'll come to pick you up. I miss you.
Tomorrow with the first ship. Are you happy?
- No. Faster. - I do not know what will come sooner.
- I can't take a helicopter... - Slow down.
- Slow or fast? - Come ...
I don't hear you well, Gioia. Are you sick?
I'm fine. Very well.
Hello. Gioia! I can't hear you anymore.
These phones! You hear only noise.
Only fucking noise.
- Baron! Leaving without paying? - Don't yell.
I Yell as I please ...
- Leave, primate! - Me, a primate?
- I'm gonna make your head this big... - Mine?
- Jesus! Go away. - No. I'll tell everybody you're not paying.
- You never even tipped me. - Shut up!
Have mercy on me ! I lost everything at poker, even my umbrella.
I'm broke, Alvaro. Spit in my face!
Do me a favor. Do not say anything.
I forgive you, Baron, but you must teach me your passionate walk.
- I will. Lean, Alvaro. - Why?
Do not worry.
Filthy bastard ! Jokes with a baron like me ...
- How are you? - The restroom expert... He was missing.
Sorry professor. Last time ...
Your lovely wife is not with you?
No. My lovely wife has left for a nice holiday, and I'm picking her up.
Satisfied? Given what happened, I leave.
- I had great fun. I laughed a lot. - Yes?
- You didn't? - No. You know why?
I cannot laugh when my wife screws a professor in a cabin.
Do you not know it was just a joke? We pretended. There were just noise and screaming.
- I was had. - You haven't done anything?
Your wife did all this to make you jealous.
- Everything to make me jealous? - Yes.
- Swear! - I swear!
And this time ...
What drivers? Where could she find 40 truck drivers?
You can'tfind 40 trucks.
- Come and embrace me, Professor. - Are you pleased?
You're a good friend, Professor.
You hit me wrong, Professor. I knew ...
- That nothing happened? - No, no.
You, the big ones, the older you are, the more you are a fool.
- Hi my dear! - This is my secretary.
- Nice! Ferreti. - How do you do!
- This is your secretary? - Yes. Why?
Speaking of what I said before. I am the fool, Professor.
I think she's terrific. Ar typewriting...
- Do you type well? - Yes. Very well.
- What is your name? - Ellen.
Hi, Ellen!
You can believe what you want, baby but basically I never betrayed you.
- Basically? - Yes.
In essence, you are true love.
- In this case ... - I swear.
- On Mom, on Dad, on our children. - We have no children.
But we can have one.
- I love you. Do you believe me? - Yes. I think.
A small gesture for our reconciliation.
What a nice gesture! You shouldn't have.
- A kiss. - For such a gesture ...
you deserve a kiss.
Tell me the truth. I can sit still about the drivers?
- Why, did you believe it? - Of course.
- You thought ... - You're laughing ...
I felt that my veins burst, I believed.
Did you think at any time how would I find 40 drivers on Ischis?
Not drivers. But about 40 well-built fishermen...
I didn't think about that.
Tell me the truth. In all these days have you betrayed me?
Will you not tell me?
No, no.
It's a no, no? Or no, yes?
- I didn't cheat on you. - No?
- Never. - Come here.
- What are you doing? - Now it's all mine.
It's private property. Still never seen by anyone.
- Hey! What are you doing? - We're newly-reconciled.
This is a restaurant not a brothel.
Yeah ? The way we ate... I thought there was.
- I understand why you brought her on. - Yes, your mother and sister were taken ...
You talk about your mother or your sister?
My mother is a lady, we're clean people...
- You won't be anymore. - Gianni ...
- Apologize to my husband right away. - I'm not even thinking about it.
No?
- Sorry. - Please. Have you a bit of powder ?
- It's good to go back home. - Yes ...
- For now we only go to the mountains. Okay? - Okay.
The water is quiet, is it not?
Good morning, Patricio! You're also leaving?
Important things in Rome. I anticipated my departure.
- Sentimental Business, I bet. - Yes.
Meet Patricio. You should be very grateful to him.
He kept all my suitors away. Did you not, Patricio?
- I did what I could. - A pleasure, Ferreti.
- De Marchi, delighted. - I have removed ...
The physique, that ... you must be a gorilla.
- You mean bodyguard. - What does the body have to do with it?
I said gorilla, walking behind others ...
Patricio's no gorilla, he's studying architecture.
- A competitor. - Why, do you mind?
I can sit still ...
He's very good, he makes wonderful drawings.
Incidentally, I promised him a post in your office.
Projects to do with me? Are you doing many projects?
Some very interesting.
If you say so...
The ship moves a lot, and I ...
We had that on the way over here...
I...
Excuse me!
Let's be serious. It's just my imagination.
It's just a friend from the hotel Several words on the beach
a drink in the club a walk on the waterfront
and everything ends in bed ... What have you done, bitch ...
What story have you gotten me in...?
Ultimately what are the horns?
They're like children teeth; once they fall,they stop hurting.
It's important that Gioia returns home to give a big party ...
Let's invite all our friends. All of them...
All of those...
- Did it hurt? - No. I liked it.
Good morning.
Look where they put him? The vessel has poles to walk on.
- Sit down! - Good morning.
Finished your vacation? You return to Rome?
- And you? - I do not, I have a few days of vacation.
- In Rome? Holiday in Rome? - Yeah, Rome.
- You're free Saturday morning? - For work?
Business...
Be in my office at ten. I have an emergency. One of those ...
I write two letters, even three, sometimes even four ...
but the quality leaves a little to be desired. We could talk and the remuneration...
If it comes to the remuneration ... everything becomes more interesting ...
- It's interesting ... ? - Honey!
Kisses ...
Yes, my love. Kisses ...